Or perhaps, the moment after death will look more like a courtroom. You enter the room of highly burnished mahogany, and the bailiff calls the court to order.

Maybe the gallery is filled with angels and demons, all waiting to see what your fate will be.

A giant movie screen plays back your life as the defense attorney and the prosecuting attorney take turns marking down your deeds in two separate scrolls. One scroll is marked “Good” and the other, “Bad.”

At first, good is winning, but as the movie rolls on, bad begins to catch up. By the end it is neck and neck. The gallery is on its feet. You are sweating through your shirt. The room feels hotter than when you first arrived. Your heart is racing, trying to remember the final moments of your previous life. Did you finish strong enough to make it, or did you lapse into selfishness when it mattered most?

The tape of your life finishes and the judge powers off the tape player. This judge is a very meticulous woman with her hair pulled back in a tight bun. She has horn rimmed glasses. Her stern gaze is fixed upon you.

You try to hold her stare in the silent courtroom, but at last, you look away, unable to bare the guilt and shame she is clearly accusing you of.

The attorneys finish totaling up your life and hand the results to the jury. The jurors huddle together and speak in hushed tones. Some tones are clearly agitated, others are pleading. One juror lets out a derisive laugh and quickly catches himself when another gives him a reprimanding elbow.

After some deliberation, the jurors break their huddle and stand in formation. The head juror has an index card at the ready.

At long last, the judge’s gaze departs from you and travels over to the jury box. The silence becomes deafening as both the excitement and dread from the gallery co-mingle.

“How does the jury find the defendant?” the judge’s high-pitched voice breaks the silence…

*****

Hopefully, by now, you know this is not how I would picture the beginning of our next life, although this is what I thought growing up. If my good deeds outweighed my bad deeds, I got in. I earned my way in. This view is precisely what I am railing against.

Since God wants to reconcile all things to himself, he would be overjoyed to see you face to face. He would hug you. He would throw a celebration for you. He would wrap you in fine linens, put rings on your fingers and kill the fatted calf. He would do all of this because you are his beloved, a saint, blessed, holy, blameless, adopted, redeemed, forgiven, sealed, His heir, alive, and saved. You are His handiwork, a citizen of heaven, created for good works and reconciled to God (Ephesians chapters 1 and 2).

Of course there will also be reconciliation of our sins; we will have to make amends with all the people from our lives, both seeking and giving forgiveness. We will have to put things right.

God will help us do all of that. It will be difficult, and sometimes painful. That will all come in due time. But first, He loves and celebrates your re-union with him. You are home and back with him, and that is enough. You are together, and together, you will put all things right.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.

Teddy Roosevelt

What will it be like when you die? Not the death itself, but the initial moments of your life-after. Have you thought about that? I don’t do it in a macabre way. I do it because how you view this moment is quite telling of how you view your God.

I know I am completely wrong in what it will actually be like, but I think the sense of it is close.

I picture a crowded coliseum. An enormous crowd in hushed anticipation staring at the entrance, waiting. The silence builds. Out of the dust and haze given off by the setting sun shining through the entrance, comes a solitary figure. He is limping, broken and battered from the life he’d lived up to that point. He is panting heavily under the weight of the armor and other burdens he is carrying.

The crowd erupts in excitement for this newcomer. He looks around in amazement and his posture changes; he stands a little taller. A few people come out of the tunnels and relieve him of the various bundles he has strapped to his back. He gladly gives them up.

Spurred on by the joy of the crowd, this man begins a victory lap around the coliseum. He begins to peel off the armor that has kept him safe his entire life. He picks up speed as he does so. Beneath this hard exterior, the man is scarred and pierced. The limp is still there, but it is less noticeable because of the moment. Finally, this battle-hardened gladiator removes the mask which has hidden his true self.

The crowd cheers even more enthusiastically. The man, freed from his burdens, begins an awkward jog. He holds his side, supporting an unseen wound. He is wearily smiling, his other fist held high in triumph.

He is celebrated, not for his athletic prowess or his accomplishments in battle, but simply because he is loved. He made it through life with successes and failures and kept going.

This is a celebration of life, not accomplishments. It is a celebration of the dignity and respect of this single person. Of course there will be other celebrations, but for now, it is his turn. This is the moment when this soul feels its worth.

He finishes his victory lap to the cheers of the heavenly host, then makes his way to the center of the arena. Three figures stand in applause, waiting. They are all smiling. Delight radiates from them. As this man approaches the three, he collapses into their arms, exhausted both physically and emotionally.

The three circle around him and the crowd falls silent once again. This is not the hush of worry or of something gone wrong. It is the hush of expectancy; of excited silence; of reverent awe.

At last, the Triune God steps back and reveals the soul, clothed in white and radiating joy. The crowd again erupts in celebration for the life that has been lived.

There will be time for the uncomfortable reconciliation and redemption, but that is not now. This is the time for the soul to awake to the knowledge of his value; to fully understand how much he is loved and welcomed to this place.

If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.

Then you will know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

–Jesus (in John 8:31and 32)

If we hold onto the teachings of Jesus, we will know the truth, which will set us free.

Since so many people are adamant they have the truth, why do we not see anybody who is free?

Take whatever religious system you are involved in. Most seem to claim they have the truth and every other religion is wrong (they may dress this up with kind language, but the main point, if we honestly drill down, is that I’m right and you’re wrong). Yet I have never seen a whole group of people living in the freedom Jesus promises. I have seen individuals living in more freedom than most, but even that is rare.

Why is freedom so difficult to obtain if truth sets us free?

Many will say they are free. Americans will say that freedom is the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. They may take it further and say freedom is the ability to say what you want, worship who you want, bear arms, and be secure in their own homes without government intrusion.

And Americans would be partially right. But I think the freedom Jesus was talking about was so much more. I think true freedom would include freedom from fear and anxiety, freedom from depression, freedom from the slavery of sin, freedom from hatred, freedom from hunger and disease and destruction.

So if we are still living in fear, and sin, and under the rule of hatred, we are not truly free.

Personally, I know I am not free, and I suspect we all live with varying degrees of freedom. Freedom is not necessarily about where you live, as some prisoners are more free than many who are not in captivity.

I have noticed in myself a growth in the fruit of the Spirit over the past fifteen years. I am free of substance abuse and antidepressants and many other things in my life that were imprisoning me as a younger adult. Some of these things have taken years to break free of, and others quickly shed off me as I leaned into this loving Father who is constantly revealing truth.

I have many other prisons in my life, and will never be completely free while I am on this side of the fulfilled Kingdom, but I am able to see growth through the years.

For me, this growth began when I finally admitted the “truth” I had held onto my entire life was not working for me. I became honest with God. He cannot reveal truth, and fix your broken parts, if you are unwilling to admit you are broken, and you have a flawed understanding of God; to admit your religion has a flawed understanding of God.

Once I began to be honest with myself about this god that did not always seem good, it opened the door for hard discussions with Him and the revelation of truth, which has begun to set me free.

He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.

2 Timothy 1:9

You can either have separation or you can have grace. You cannot have both.

The theology of salvation by grace is not a given. There are bible verses telling us what we must do to earn eternal life, but I am more convinced by grace.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift from God. Ephesians 2:8

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

If you are like me, and believe in the gift of grace, you must give up this notion of separation from God.

Many people believe sin is defined as anything which separates you from God. I have also heard it said that hell is the physical separation from the Father’s love.

If either of these are true, I must ask, What is the benefit of grace?

We have all sinned. Do we all go to hell? If not, how does the Father choose who goes to hell to eternally feel the separation? Is there a demarcation line? If you fall below that line, are you cast into the abyss? Seriously… consider it. How would the father choose who ends up in hell?

This is important. If your actions get you sent to hell, then your actions (or lack of sinful actions) will keep you out of hell.

If that is true, we are now earning our salvation; we must not sin in order to avoid falling below the line of demarcation. We just negated the gospel of grace.

We often try to hold onto both separation and grace. To do so takes a tremendous amount of mental gymnastics to make both fit into our narrative.

To hold onto one notion denies the other. I choose to believe that Yahweh is compassionate and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love (Exodus 34:6). I also believe his mercy and justice are the same and that he will not let the guilty go unpunished (Exodus 34:7). I believe all of this because those are the words spoken by Yahweh himself.

The wrath of God, the punishment of God, the justice of God, the love of God, and the mercy of God are all the same thing. They are Jesus Christ within you being revealed.

-C. Baxter Kruger

I was in the middle of a conversation with a man who was clearly more knowledgeable about the bible than I was. At one point he casually mentioned that separation from God was caused by our sin, as if this was common knowledge.

I agree that this is common knowledge, but I do not believe it is wisdom.

I timidly said that sin causes us to feel separated from God, but our Father loves us so much, he would never actually leave us. Even in the depths of hell, God is always with us, calling us home.

This man made my case for me, quickly rattling off a handful of bible verses:

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12

Powers and principalities and nothing can separate us from the love of God. Paraphrase of Romans 8:38 and 39

He quoted two more verses in rapid succession which I had never heard and was unable to commit to memory, but both basically said there cannot be separation from God.

“But if there was no separation,” he concluded, “where is the justice?”

He really knows his stuff, I thought, a little intimidated by how quickly he was able to recall the bible verses.

Yes, but you know Me, came the response deep within my soul. The tone did not suggest this man did not know God. It merely reminded me to keep my eyes on Him.

I smiled to the loving Father who knew just what to say.

This man and I discussed his objections, and we left the conversation unconvinced of the other’s position, but without frustration and anger. We are brothers in Christ, living in different paradigms.  

God, as the sustainer of all things, cannot be simultaneously absent from any part of creation and yet holding it together. If he left hell, it would collapse in on itself and be no more. Hell is not outside His jurisdiction. He created it, so must be keeping it together for whatever purpose He chooses. C.S. Lewis once said, “Hell is God’s monument to human dignity and choice.”

God is omni-present, meaning he is everywhere. How can there be any separation?

But God, in his holiness, hates sin and cannot even look upon it, some will say. Why else would he turn from Jesus on the cross when Jesus said “My God, why have you forsaken me?”?

I would answer that Jesus was quoting Psalm 22, which ends with, “He has not hidden his face from Him.”

If Jesus is the exact expression of God (Hebrews 1:3) then it stands to reason that God is the exact expression of Jesus. So while Jesus eats with sinners and dines with prostitutes, God is also able to do the same. Where did the idea come from that God turns his face on sin because he can’t stand to be in the presence of sinners?? If Jesus can be in the presence of sin, then God can. The Father and Son are one.

And where did this idea come from that God is either just or merciful? Like if you catch him on a good day, you may get off scot-free for your sins? Or a bad day will get you banished. He is not multiple personalities. God is always completely just and completely merciful. His mercy is just. His justice is merciful. They are all the same.

Our sin often causes us to feel separated, but there is never any real separation. Our turning from God can often be a deprivation chamber of our own creation. We fail to see and recognize Him because we are blinded by the muck of our own sin.

We were created simply to be loved. We will always be held in his loving embrace.

How could it be any other way? If he holds all things together, any physical separation would cause us to lapse into non-existence (paraphrase of Athanasius).

What if Colossians 1:20 were correct? That through Jesus, All things will be reconciled to Him?

God will never leave you, not even after death. The paraphrase of Romans 8, alluded to earlier, begins with “Neither death nor life… will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus, our Lord.”

Mark 9:49 says everyone will be salted with fire. What if that fire has the purpose of burning away all sin and refining us into the Kingdom people we were created to be? Or, as George Macdonald puts it, the consuming fire will burn away all that is not of love’s kind.

The Creator and Sustainer of all things will love us through our death, and will keep loving us until we are reconciled to Him and each other, and only then will we enter the fullness of the new kingdom.

I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6

“How can you date him, knowing that he is going to hell?”

The words hung in the air as my daughter tried to understand what her roommate was asking. It seemed foreign to my daughter because she was not raised in a religious system like this (at least, not during her formative years). My daughter’s boyfriend does not go to church nor does he know what he believes about God.

I understood where the roommate was coming from because I grew up with similar beliefs. It is often referred to as “Turn or Burn” theology, but I again ask: how can this turn-or-burn-god be a loving father?

I have seen people do all sorts of mental gymnastics trying not to answer a direct question about God. They could not answer directly because their beliefs would paint God as a monster.

What happens to babies who do not get baptized before they die?

What about indigenous tribes who have never heard the name Jesus?

What if you grow up in a household that holds a belief outside of Jesus?

Or if you die as a child while living in such a household?

How can God condemn these people to Hell?

People will try to avoid these questions, because it is easier to say, “We just have to trust that God knows what he’s doing,” or, “God is merciful.”  Saying these things are easier than saying their true beliefs: “Those people are going to Hell because God wills it to be so” (of course, I do not believe this).

I went to a priest in high school the day a friend of mine committed suicide. I was looking for comfort, but he had very little to give. I was under the impression that suicide was an unforgivable sin. I asked the priest what would happen to my friend. Although his words said to trust in the mercy of God, his eyes told me otherwise.

I think this was the first moment I began to realize the god behind my beliefs was a puny god. How could Yahweh take a soul fractured by a tough life, a soul with mental illness, and send him to the place of eternal wailing and gnashing of teeth, merely because he could not stand against the world that had broken him?

At that point I knew, in my soul, that the God of my life was bigger and better than the god I had been sold on for the previous seventeen years!

The truth is that we have limited Jesus’ redeeming power to the life we see and know. What if he can still redeem us, as I believe he can, during the life-after as well?

I did not know it at the time, but I was already starting to run these questions through a primitive version of my filter system (see Foundations 1-7). I knew that God is love and that he loved and personally grieved for my friend. I knew he could redeem any and every sin. I knew that Jesus (and the Father and Holy Spirit) came to heal the sick and broken-hearted and my friend fit within that category.

I did not know how God would reconcile both justice and mercy in my friend’s death, but I knew that reconciliation would happen. I did not need to understand the mechanics of the restoration because God had it, and was reconciling all things, in heaven and on earth, to himself (Colossians 1:20).

Is Jesus the only way into heaven? Yes! Does his healing power end with earthly death? No!

Some of his best work has happened after death.

He was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight.

Acts 1:9

Christians often speak of the redeeming power of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. It seems to me there is more to the story than just these three elements. The incarnation and the ascension of Jesus are of vital importance and worthy of more than just a footnote to the life, death and resurrection.

God, somehow, became fully human while not losing any of his divinity. The bible tells us that Jesus holds all things together (Colossians 1:17 and Hebrews 1:3). How did that work? As an incarnate embryo, in the womb of his virgin mother, he was simultaneously unaware of himself (his human nature), and yet sustaining the cosmos and everything within it (his divine nature)!!!

The God-Son, who holds the entire cosmos in the palm of his hand, stepped down from his throne and became a fragile baby, utterly dependent upon the humans which he spoke into existence. This whole thing is hard to even attempt to put into words.

The incarnation, through Jesus, brought God’s kingdom to Earth. This is good news as God has entered into our world.

But through his ascension, Jesus brings Earth up into heaven. Or to put it another way, the Son of Man brought humanity up into the divine. There is an eternally flesh-and-bones human sitting at the right hand of the Father, in heaven, right now.

Because of this God-Man in heaven, God understands us. He feels pain, sadness, anger and frustration. He understands the temptations we feel. He can relate to our fear of death, the heartache of rejection, and the depravity of man.

He also knows joy and peace in a broken world. He knows it can be done in the midst of life and tragedy.

And…

We are seated at the right hand of God, in Christ, right now.

God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Jesus Christ (Ephesians 2:6)

He is for us, he comforts and consoles us, he heals and redeems us, and he loves us. Because that is his nature, but also because he has been there before, and is still there.

Jesus went into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God

“The time is fulfilled,” he said.

“The Kingdom of God is at hand. Change how you think about this and believe the gospel.”

Matthew 1:14-15

The word gospel literally means good news. So how is it that we have boiled the good news down to the cross and our eternal salvation because of what Jesus did?

That is good news, but it is not the good news. Mark 1 says Jesus was preaching the gospel from the beginning of his ministry. Jesus says the good news is that the kingdom of God is at hand. That is the good news— the gospel. He takes this good news a bit further and tells us how to live in this fulfillment. He says to repent and believe the good news; not for salvation, but for life.

Webster defines repent like this: 1: to turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one’s life 2a: to feel regret or contrition.

This quickly became distorted in my mind. Maybe I did this myself. Maybe it was learned. I don’t know. I do know, that for me, this translated into shame and a type of self-flagellation that was not intended.

The Greek root word of repent was metanoeo. This word is defined as repent, but just like the Webster definition of repent, there is another meaning: to change one’s mind; or, to change one’s mind for better.

What if we are supposed to change how we view God? To change how we view scripture? On the road to Emmaus, after Jesus death, He preached to two travelers that the entire Old Testament (which He would have called the scriptures) pointed to Him. His coming into the world brought the kingdom into the world. The good news is that Jesus is the God made Flesh; the Emmanuel; God with us. He is here!  

AND…

Jesus points to the Father (if you have seen me you have seen the Father). If this is true, we have drastically misunderstood the God of the Old Testament. Almost everyone would admit they like the God of the New Testament much more than the God of the Old. He seems nicer, kinder, less… wrathful.

What if the good news Jesus preached was that we misunderstood God— that we attributed many things to Him that were not from Him? What if Jesus was telling us we needed to change our minds about the way we perceive God?

Jesus is in the Father and the Father looks a lot like him.

Jesus came to Earth to be with us and has never left us; He is in us. He preached the good news long before he laid down his life. The good news cannot be only the death and resurrection. It must be more. Jesus proclaimed the good news of his incarnation and his life, which led to the kingdom being at hand.

God is actively redeeming all things! It does not always feel like it, and we will not see the fulfillment of this redemption until the Kingdom has fully come, but he is working with and through you to bring the kingdom into this world. YOU are the kingdom revealed. YOU are Christ revealed to the world.

Heaven must receive until the time comes for God to restore everything,

as he promised long ago through his holy prophets.

Acts 3:21

God is about restoration, not punishment.

The vision of Ezekiel in Chapter 47 is a clear picture of Gods restoration. The living water flows out of the temple and makes its way to the Dead Sea. This river must flow through the valleys surrounding Jerusalem and cleanse them along the way. This would include the Valley of Hinnom, also known as Gehenna. The living water would clean and restore this valley which has a gruesome history of murder and child sacrifice, ground up bones and garbage dumps.

Ezekiel describes new life and trees growing on the banks of this river. It even transforms the Dead Sea and brings life to it. The salt water is replaced by fresh water teeming with schools of fish. Trees will grow and bring life to the banks of the sea, and fruit will grow year round. The leaves will never whither and will be used for healing.

The passage describes the New Jerusalem when God will make all things new. All of human history seems to have been building toward this point, when the old will pass away and the new will come.

He is a God who creates. His purpose is to bring life so we can live it abundantly. Jesus says it is the thief that comes to destroy (John 10:10), yet I often try to attribute the destruction in my own life to God and then try to convince myself He is good.

I have to regularly remind myself that God is healing and restoring all things. He is reconciling the world to himself and inviting me to enter into that process. I am invited to reconcile with the people of my life whom I have wronged and to partner with God, who brings life to dead places.

To my warped mind, this reconciliation often feels like punishment, but it is meant to set all things right. I misunderstand His intentions and I snarl like a dog as you try to pull porcupine quills out of it. I do not understand that the quills, like sin, will cause infections and that the transitory pain of reconciliation is actually for my own healing. I mistakenly think the pain is payback for some past transgression.

Punishment is hollow— it inflicts pain and misery for the sake of retribution. That I mustn’t attribute to God.

Restoration, the act of being returned to your previous condition, is full of life. Restoration brings me back to what I was meant to be.

Punishment brings death.

God brings life.

Like a master craftsman refining silver to eliminate the impurities, or a launderer scrubbing to make clean, I am being made better; I am being restored, reconciled, made holy.

This is foundational. This is the good news of the gospel. There is no separation from God. He is omnipresent. How can there be separation if he is everywhere?

This the great lie sown in the garden. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince us that we had to somehow find our way back to the Father. He has never left us. We often are so lost in the darkness of our own lives that we cannot see him, but that does not mean he is not there.

We live in a deprivation chamber of our own selfishness and fail to recognize the God who is with us in our misery. Jesus actually said he will be with us always (Matthew 28:20), and that he is inside of us (John 14:20).

Again I ask, where is the separation? If all things were made through him (John 1:3), and he holds all things together (Colossians 1:17), he is literally the material binding the entire cosmos together. This would have to include hell.

And if that is the case, he is literally with us in our own personal hell (the one we created for ourselves).

Any separation is our choosing. We can turn away from him but he will never turn from us. In fact, he will spend eternity turning us back to him.

There are many theologies that suggest you need to earn your way back to Him. That there is a great divide between you and the divine love. They may suggest that the cross is what spans that divide. How did this thought come into being? Are our traditions greater than the promises of Jesus?

He will never leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:8, Hebrews 13:5

The Lord your god is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

For the Lord will not forsake his people. Psalm 94:14

If we believe in separation as a possibility, what does that say about the character of God? That he will leave us unless we perform well? Never!

It is easy to falsely believe in separation because the voice of condemnation is always louder. People will point to the cross as the ultimate separation.

“God is so holy,” people say, “he cannot be in the presence of sin. Why else would Jesus say “My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me”?”

God is in Jesus and Jesus is in God. He came to heal the sinners specifically. He dined with sinners always. His holiness has never precluded him from being in the presence of sinners.

On the Cross, Jesus was quoting Psalm 22, which began with “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me,” and ended with “For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.”

There is no possibility of separation from the triune God who created you just so he can pour out his love upon you. The world has tried to hide his face from you, but take heart, he has overcome the world. 

We know that for those who love God

all things work together for good.

Romans 8:28

God is actively redeeming your life and weaving all things into good. I have heard many people warp this into a strange theology where you cannot question God and must rejoice in all things (rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again Rejoice…). This feels wrong to me on many levels.

Sometimes, life is hard and horrible things happen. The death of a spouse, or even worse, the death of a child, would not cause me to readily run to church to rejoice. Yet some would make us feel guilty if we did not rejoice in our misfortunes.

For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, the Knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings- Hosea 6v6.

He wants us to know him personally because he already knows us personally. He doesn’t want us to pretend we are okay with the brokenness of the world crashing into us. He is big enough to take our anger. It is okay to cry bitter tears and mourn the tragedies of life. It is okay to feel sad and angry; even hopeless as times. The flesh-and-blood Jesus has dealt with these emotions himself.

So take your fury and bitterness to him – isn’t that better than taking our emotions to the idols we all love so dearly (whichever one is your idol of choice)?

Follow Jesus example in Gethsemane. First, He brought His emotions to God (my soul is sorrowful), next He brought His desires to the Father (let this cup pass), and finally He brought His trust to God (not my will but yours). That is the grieving process.

When we deny our feelings, we prolong them. By acknowledging and being honest with our pain and emotions, we bring them into the light.

Weeping may tarry in the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelations 21:4

People love to remind us of things like that, but it is not always helpful when you are stuck in the pain of this world. In fact, this can often make us feel worse – like if our faith were stronger, these things wouldn’t bother us.

 For me, words do not always bring comfort in the moment, but it is nice to know that there is more than just this one moment. God’s promise is that it will not always be like this. He will one day reconcile all things. He will wipe our tears away. I don’t have to understand how this works, I just know that is will work.

I can be angry at the brokenness of the world, I can mourn and feel the deep pain of the world AND I can be assured that it will one day be fixed.

God is Love. 1 John 4:8

I find this amazing! God is love; it is his nature to love us. He didn’t learn to love once he created us. He has always loved since he has always been a triune God. I like to picture the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit dancing over the deep before creating anything. They were in relationship expressing love to each other. They poured out themselves in a self-giving, self-sacrificing way. They always thought of the others first. They have never quit doing this.

They did not need to create us- they needed nothing from us. They chose to create because it brings them joy to share love with us.

And of the billions of people that are on this planet, he knows you personally.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world. Ephesians 1v4

You knit me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139v13

The lord called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name. Isaiah 49v1

Even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not. Luke 12v7

The God of the universe wants to know you personally. It is not about rules and regulations, restrictions and dogma. He doesn’t want your tithes and offerings (I desire mercy, and not sacrifice- Hosea 6v6), He wants a relationship with you.

That feels hard sometimes. Either our guilt and shame make this hard to believe, or it feels like too much work, but once we stop trying to earn it and just live in His grace, our hearts start to feel lighter.

You are his beloved. You are beloved. Allow yourself to be loved! Once the truth of this starts to sink in, the burden of trying to earn it slips away, and when struggles come upon you, you are free to say:

“God, I have no idea why this is happening to me, but I know you love me dearly. Whether there is something I am supposed to learn from my circumstances, or whether I am supposed to just trust, I will lean into you and the love you so freely give.”

Are you still maintaining your integrity?

Curse God and Die!

Job 2:9

So what is your own personal Apostles Creed? It will never do to try answering this question when you are in the midst of pain and heartache. The Accuser will spin you a narrative which is easy to believe in the moment. A lie is believable when it incorporates your feelings and matches your current reality.

We must discover truth when there is no pressure to do so. This will become our filter when times get tough. Our personal creed tells us what is true, even when everything is running contrary to it. You already have a personal creed, you just need to acknowledge what it is.

Platitudes do not work when you have a child in the hospital. Church rhetoric doesn’t work when your spouse is leaving you. Job was not consoled by the so-called wisdom of his friends. When the darkness comes upon you, the only thing that can bring peace is a pre-existing certainty of the character of God. Searching for answers after tragedy has struck is like trying to find your bearings in the dark. Or to use another analogy, you can mend and attach a sail in the middle of a hurricane… but it will be difficult.

I offer to you my irreducible minimums. These are the compass bearings that guide all other facts for me. If facts in my life do not agree with these minimums, I look for further clarifications (or I surrender certainty for trust).

Or to make an analogy out of a biblical parable; these are the foundation I build my house upon. When you try to look for answers in the midst of the storm, you have built your house upon the sand.

But please do not adopt my foundation. If you do not believe these, it would be the same as building upon the sand. Instead, let these serve as a starting point for building your own foundation. Once you have this, the answer to your heartache will be, something like: “I don’t know why this is happening to me, but I do know that God is_________.”

The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. Matthew7v25

I believe in God, the Father almighty,

Creator of heaven and earth.

Apostles Creed

I love the early Apostles’ Creed. It gives you the foundation of Christianity. But if I were to boil Faith down to the very basics, I would argue that the creed falls a little short. I mean, it’s a good start, but what about describing who God is? The character and nature of God- his ontology. The character of God is vital when life falls apart. It gives you a focal point to steer toward.

We can start with the most quoted verse in the scriptures, Exodus 34:6 and 7. God actually says what qualities are most important to Him. He describes Himself to Moses like this:

Yahweh, Yahweh, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of their parents to the third and fourth generation

[A quick sidetrack on the last part of the verse, which sounds like it went off the rails a little. First, if you are a victim of atrocities, you are glad that God does not leave the guilty unpunished. Second, the original text does not have the word ‘generations’ in it. That word was added to help it make sense to the English speaking world. The term “to the third and fourth” was a Jewish idiom meaning “for as long as it takes.” So if an entire culture has gone in a wrong direction, God will pursue them for as long as it takes to redirect them and reconcile them to himself and each other.]

Now, back to Exodus 34. God’s first descriptor of himself is compassionate. In Hebrew, the word is rakhoom, which has the same root word as a mother with a child in her womb. Let that sink in. God is like a mother with a child in her womb. That is more than just compassionate, that is fiercely protective, fully loving, completely devoted, and unwaveringly tender. That is the type of compassion that is always on your side, always trying to do what is best for you, never giving up on you, and ready to lay down their life for you… The God of the universe is more than just a caring God, He is a carrying God. He wombs you.

On top of that, he says he is gracious, slow to anger, full of loyal love, faithful, and forgiving.

Citing facts about God is religion (which is not a bad thing), but knowing the character of God (and resting in that knowledge no matter what) is about relationship. When I realize that the Father-God is more intimate and loving than I understood him to be, it changes everything. He is the Father Almighty. He is the Creator of heaven and earth. But he fiercely loves you personally.

He himself is the propitiation for our sins;

and not for ours only, but also for the whole world.

1 John 2:2

Maybe it’s just me, but there was always a dark side to the Cross.

Interspersed with the good news were these Christian sentiments, either quoted from the bible or based upon Biblical passages, which did not seem like good news to me.

“Jesus paid the penalty for my sins.”

“Jesus was a ransom for all.”

“I am saved because of the blood shed on the cross.”

“God is so just that he cannot look upon sins, which is why he turned his face away.”

We use big, confusing words like propitiation (the action of appeasing a god), or expiation (the act of making amends for guilt or wrongdoing) to describe what happened on the cross.

Atonement used to mean unity and one-ness, but has morphed to mean something closer to appeasement.

Then there are the parables Jesus tells which sound ominous and scary: the parable of the ten virgins, the separating of the sheep and the goats, the man kicked out of the banquet feast for having the wrong garments on. There is the story of the rich young man, and the camel passing through the eye of the needle. There’s the wailing and gnashing of teeth and the outer darkness.

In Sunday School, we are taught “Jesus loves me,” but then we also hear about the “fear of the Lord.” Which one is it?

All of this feels dark and foreboding. Like I have a bi-polar god who is loving sometimes, and full of wrath at other times.

The implications left me grateful that Jesus took my place because I didn’t want to go to hell, but a little uncertain because heaven seemed unstable.

We are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Jesus Christ, whom God put forward as an expiation by his blood, to be received by faith. Romans 3:24-25

If God could do what he did to his one and only son, how much worse could it be for me, whose family status was, at best, adopted child? It often feels like I am a better father than God? (but we are not supposed to think such things)

We say salvation is based upon grace, but then there is this thought that if we don’t straighten up, we’ll be thrown into hell. So if we don’t perform well enough, grace will not save us?

I confused verses like Romans 8:3 (He condemned sin in the flesh) as a condemnation against myself, completely ignoring Romans 8:1 (there is now no condemnation).

These thoughts make Jesus out to be the good part of God, and the Father out to be the feared part of God. But Jesus said he and the Father were as one; if you’ve seen him you’ve seen the father.

I read this week that the original Greek word which has been translated as ‘expiation’ and ‘propitiation’ used to be translated in the Old Testament as ‘mercy seat,’ referring to the lid of the arc of the covenant. If that were true, it would change the meaning of the above quotes.

George Macdonald once said, in reference to attributing negative qualities to God, “either I do not understand the statement, or the thing is not true, whoever says it.”  

It became tenuous for me to simultaneously hold the love of God and my mythologies about God. I had to drop one— for years, I had dropped the wrong one…

I do not understand all these Bible references, but I now know he loves me. I had used these references to twist the love of God.

With the old theology that I had accepted, I could find separation and darkness and fear everywhere, but now I see that this was just the enemy who had come to steal and kill and destroy (see John 10:10).

Jesus (and God) is a Life Giver. Anything less is unworthy of being attributed to Him.

The resurrection brought forth light, and restoration, and forgiveness, and hope. Anything less is unworthy of the cross.

A beacon of light emanates from the empty grave announcing the love of the Father.

He is Risen!

I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.

John 11:25-26

Here is what seems plain to me about Easter and the whole Paschal Mystery:

Jesus, through his incarnation, life, death, resurrection, and ascension, brought assurance of a new creation that is never-ending:

He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish. 1 Peter 1:3

Jesus, through his incarnation, life, death, resurrection, and ascension, brought assurance of our inclusion in the love of the Triune God:

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14

Jesus, through his incarnation, life, death, resurrection, and ascension, brought assurance that God is not angry with us, or surprised by our shortcomings:

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Colossians 1:19-20

Jesus, through his incarnation, life, death, resurrection, and ascension, brought assurance that sin is powerless (or rather, that it only has the power we give it):

For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin. Romans 6:6

Christ defeated sin:

He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we may die to sins and live to righteousness. 1 Peter 2:24

Christ defeated death:

Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us. Galatians 3:13

The whole story has been about God working his way into our fallen-ness, our darkness, to proclaim his never-ending love for us. When the Trinity decided to create, they must have had this moment in mind as a hinge point in the story of humanity.

This is the moment we discover how much we are loved. It is an extravagant, unyielding love which focuses its attention on you.

I am still sorting through some of the false beliefs I had, but this Easter, my heart does not feel so heavy. His whole incarnation, life, death, resurrection, and ascension was an eternal ‘I do’ to us. It is a message of hope that he has overcome the darkness. It is a message that we do not have to be afraid. We have a King, in heaven, seated at the right hand of the Father, who is utterly for us. He has moved heaven and earth to show his love for us.

He has Risen!

It is finished. John 19:30

I had intended this post to be about the finished work of the cross; that there is no earning salvation, and how Jesus did not say, “With the exception of humanity getting their part right, it is finished on my part.”

But then that still small voice whispered, “What…? exactly…? was finished?”

What had Jesus finished when he’d said those words? Sin and death were not destroyed, because the resurrection had not yet taken place.

The gift of salvation had been secured, but were we all saved at that moment? I think we still need to receive that gift. But then, are we getting into works-based salvation?

Or to use another metaphor, God, in the form of the Bridegroom, showed his eternal “I do” on the cross, but we, as the church, had not said it back. I am not sure salvation was what Jesus was talking about.

So what?

What was finished on the cross?

He was not done with his role on Earth, nor was he done with his earthly body. He still wears the body, and he spent forty more days physically on Earth. Not to mention he is still in us.

Jesus came to reveal the Father, but the revelation was not finished. The Holy Spirit, the third member of the Triune God, had not come on the scene yet. And even now, there is more revelation to come.

Was the debt fully paid, or forgiveness accomplished? He is God! He did not have to submit to the cross for that. He forgave sins throughout His life. Death could not accomplish what his life had already done.

Did he repair separation? Depending on how you frame this, I will disagree whole-heartedly (neither life nor death can separate us from the love of God, remember?). Maybe he repaired our perceived separation… but if that were true, we would not perceive separation now (and so many of us still do).

Again, I ask: what was finished?

Redemption? Salvation? Alienation? Unity? God’s rule on Earth?

All could be refuted as not fully complete. So what was it?

Maybe Jesus had fully descended into the human condition. Maybe, like a Trojan horse, he had completely found his way inside our darkness. I wonder if his cry on the cross was an acknowledgement that he could not see the Father through the darkness. Having always been in perfect union with the Father and the Holy Spirit, I wonder how disconcerting this was for our Savior to finally see through human eyes (that is, to be blind to the presence of the Father).

This disconnection to the Father may have been what prompted him to quote Psalm 22, which began with “My God, why have you forsaken me,” but ended with an affirmation that the Father will never turn away or hide his face from us.

I tend to agree with Baxter Kruger that humanity preferred the darkness, so we poured out our wrath on God. By submitting to our demand for a sacrifice, God found His way beyond our defenses. God could now fully relate to human anger, and wrath, and suffering.  He understood our condition. The penetration into humanity was finished.

But for what purpose?

Honestly, I am still working that out.

Perhaps, once inside our defenses, he was able to defeat sin and death from the inside. I know he will not rip sin and death out of us, lest he destroy us with it. Perhaps entering our darkness allowed him to defang death and sin without disturbing the evil within us (not yet anyway).

Or maybe, the overwhelming love and astonishing grace shown on the cross solidified the relationship with his disciples. But he had to get inside the ink-black murkiness of the human heart. Once there, he was able to take their hands and whisper “I love you” to their very souls. And the disciples were able to hear and finally believe! From that point on, his love flourished as rumor of the God-Man spread.

He is not an impassionate, impartial god! He is inside our darkness whispering his unfailing love for all of us. If we have the courage to listen and follow, he will lead us into the light.

Of course… he is the light (and so are we).

My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it,

may your will be done.

Matthew 26:42

I was the kind of kid who drove adults crazy with the ‘why’ questions.

“Why did Jesus have to die on the cross?”

“To save us from our sins?”

“But why couldn’t he just forgive us?”

“There was a penalty to be paid for your sins.”

“But he paid the penalty to God… and He’s God, so why couldn’t he just forgive our sins?”

“Because God is Just and hates sin, so there must be a penalty.”

‘But why?”

“Go ask your parents…”

The argument quickly became circular. There was no answer that sufficiently addressed the question, and there was always a why which could follow. I stopped asking questions altogether. I don’t have a specific memory around this. There was no traumatic event. I just learned it made people uncomfortable, and possibly irritated, to be subjected to this line of questioning.

As I get older, I have begun to question again. In doing so, the dead bones of my faith have begun to come alive.

Even as an adult, I kept coming back to the question: Why did Jesus have to die? Couldn’t he just forgive? The heart of the question is this: What was accomplished by his dying that the all-powerful God of the universe could not accomplish any other way? In Gethsemane, Jesus clearly wanted another way. If it is possible any other way… But it wasn’t.

I can give all the ‘adult’ answers, but they ring hollow to me. Recently, a thought struck me (which was a God-thing). What if His dying on the cross was not about appeasing God? What if the sacrifice was not meant to fix His side of the salvation equation (our sin plus His death changes how He views us (imputed righteousness) which allows us to be washed clean in His eyes, which imparts salvation)? What if, by dying, he somehow changed us?

A quick story:

I have the sweetest little dog. She would never hurt anybody. But when we first got her, she was terrified of me.  Even if I approached her with kindness in my voice and treats in my hand, as soon as I bent over to pet her or give her treats, she would roll onto her back and pee. Every time. She misunderstood the nature of the relationship.

To overcome this hesitancy, I had to get down on her level, and slowly approach her from far away. Better yet, I could get down to her level and let her come to me on her timeframe. Five years on, she never pees and will even come jump up on me with excitement.

Is it possible we are like the dog in this story? That we misunderstood God to be mad? Peter Enns says the violence we see in the Old Testament is because “God lets his children tell the story.” Maybe some of the things we attribute to God is a mythology of sorts. We often believe God loves us, but does not like us very much. That He’s angry with us. That He’s in a bad mood.

How was God to get close enough to us in order to show His love, when we were afraid of the light? If every time the light approached, we scattered like cockroaches, how was He to tell us he loved and liked us? How was he to get inside our barriers, without using force, to tell us that the celebration feast is ready for us?

He had to come down to our level. He had to become one of us so we wouldn’t run and hide. Jesus had to enter our darkness to accomplish His ultimate goal; to reveal the true love of the Father. And in revealing that love, he began the long arduous journey of reconciling the entire world to himself.

Jesus did not die on the cross to change God’s mind about us. Jesus came down and submitted himself to the worst humanity had to offer, to change our mind about Him.

I’m sure there is more to it than that, but for now, it is the first answer that sufficiently addresses the question of why.

I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me. 

John 17:23

Read that opening quote again.  Let that truth sink in, because the implications are astounding! Jesus is talking to the Father in prayer at the conclusion of the last supper.

He has already predicted his betrayal, and knows of the coming pain and suffering, yet is praying for his disciples and for all “those who will believe in [him] through [the disciples’] message.”

Jesus prays that we will know how much we are loved by the Father; and not only that we are simply loved, but that we are loved by the Father as much as he loves the Son. Some translations say that the Father “loved them even as [He] has loved [the Son], others say “just as you have loved me”. I looked up the Greek word to see what specifically Jesus was alluding to. The Greek word is Kathos. Kathos means “just as, even as, in proportion as, and in the degree that.”

The Father loves you in the same degree that He loves Jesus!

You are not an afterthought. You haven’t earned his favor by some cosmic loophole. The love in which the three persons of the Trinity love each other includes you. The self-giving, self-emptying, think-of-the-other-first-often-at-your-own-expense kind of love which created the cosmos is extended to you!

Jesus exhibited that love at the end of his life. As evil was bearing down on Golgotha, and death was focused on the cross, His final thoughts and prayers were for the wellbeing of his creation. He prayed that we would know how much we are loved by the Trinity. 

The very next day, as sin was gathering its’ forces and concentrating all its’ efforts on the destruction of the Messiah, Jesus would gasp with his dying breath, “Father, forgive them.”

It has always been us. Insignificant, impetuous us. We are the highlight of all creation. He has moved heaven and earth to let us know that he loves us as much as he loves himself, which is the truest and most pure love there is. He gave of himself to the point of death. Before the fall of Adam, his plan had always been to break through our incorrect perception of the Triune God with unimaginable love.

We don’t deserve it. We can never earn it (although we continue to try), yet he showers us with unfathomable Grace and Mercy.

We often ignore and scorn him. He is the focus of so much of our frustration and anger. We fail to trust that he is for us; that he loves us as much as he does.

Later that night, in the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was anguished to the point of sweating blood (see Luke 22:44). That is, he was terrified at the coming crucifixion. He begged the Father for another way, but knew there was none.

The only way someone could overcome that kind of sheer terror, was with a love that is greater. In the end Jesus submitted to the anger and the hatred of the human race because he knew on the other side of the cross he would have that which his love was focused on; he knew his death would somehow bring about a union with humanity, which was just as important as the union he had always experienced in the Trinity. He wants you to experience such perfect unity that you will know the Father loves YOU as much as He love the Son!

It is a joyful time in my household, as the next generation is beginning to plan weddings and get married. It struck me the other day how much weddings can reveal the nature of God.

For starters, weddings are a binding of two souls together. This might be the closest thing we have to explaining the Trinity. God is three distinct natures, yet is one. A marriage is two people made into one flesh.

“‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Jesus is quoting Genesis 2:24 here).’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:7-9

We are somehow bound together with another human being and made into one. Two individuals become one. What would you call the one? One union? One partnership? A marriage?

Regardless, we tend to recognize the two individuals but do not fully honor the one. We call them a couple, recognizing their individuality, but we rarely consider their oneness.

This partnership is also an echo of the covenant God made with us. It points toward the love of the Trinity. Technically, God made four covenants with humanity, we failed to be faithful in our partnership, and God fulfilled our part of the covenant for us in Jesus.

I tend to forget that my life— my destiny— is bound up in what happens to my wife. There is a figure of speech which says “Happy Wife, Happy Life,” but I believe it goes both ways. Your joy and happiness is bound up in the joy and happiness of your spouse because you are one.

A covenant says “no matter what.” There is a fabulous assurance that comes with covenantal love. It is an assurance that says you do not have to be perfect, you just have to love and honor each other. A Covenant seeks the joy of the other above the self. It is self-giving, self-emptying, other-centered love.

Instead, we often reduce marriage to a contract. A contract says you need to keep up your end of the bargain. A contract keeps score. A contract says you need to make me happy. A contract has remedies and remunerations for breach of contract. A contract has obligations and responsibilities.

A covenant, on the other hand, has invitations and the ability to respond (respond-abilities). You are invited into a fuller life; a more honest life, because there is the assurance of love— no matter what.

A covenant is an intertwining of souls. A contract is an entangling of lives.

It is never our job to make the other person happy, but imagine if we each found ultimate delight in the joy of the other. Imagine if our utmost desire was to bring happiness to the other, often at great cost to ourselves.

This is how marriage is supposed to work; it is how we were designed to operate, because at the heart of the universe is a Triune God, each member of which has made the eternal delight of the others their ultimate heart-posture. 

AND, they have turned their hearts toward you as well.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

Peace to all of you who are in Christ. 1 Peter 5:14

These quotes are supposed to be great news. We are constantly living in fear, guilt and shame. Hiding in the shadows the things which we pray will never be brought to light. But the apostle Paul says we don’t have to live this way because there is no condemnation.

But do you, like me, hear the implied if in this statement?

There is no condemnation only if you are in Christ Jesus. The implication is that there is condemnation if you are not in Christ Jesus.

Still think that is good news?

Am I in Christ Jesus? Are you?

How do we know for sure?

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is not male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28 (Paul speaking to the church in Galatia)

For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body. 1Corintians 12:13 (Paul speaking to the church in Corinth)

Paul was specifically talking to the churches when he said this. He used all-inclusive language, but was he only speaking to the church-goers?

Or did he contradict himself in his second letter to the church in Corinth when he said In Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them (2 Corinthians 5:19)?

I suspect the answer is both/and. Or the answer is possibly both now and later. I think the full answer lies in the second half of the 2 Corinthians 5:19 verse and the very next verse as well. I’ll quote it in full.

God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we [the Church] are ambassadors for Christ [to the world], God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. (2 Corinthians 5:19-20)

So what does it all mean?

I think followers of Christ are already in Christ, but that is not intended to be in-or-out-Theology. We are called to bring the message of reconciliation to the world. Not in order to earn our salvation, but to work with God in the Kingdom work he is already doing.

In other words, we are commissioned to carry on the mission of Abram when God told him “I will bless you… so that you will be a blessing to all nations.” (Genesis 12:2)

The good news is not that there is no condemnation when you follow Jesus (although that is good news). The good news is that God is reconciling the world to him, and through this reconciliation, inviting us to enter into union with the loving triune God.

God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:6

The bigger question brought up from the inclusiveness is the idea that Jesus is the only way into heaven. That salvation is only through Christ Jesus.

People will use this as a way to try to exclude others.

Am I to understand that the loving power of Jesus stops at the grave? Of course not! He will not condemn his children just because they have never heard of him or were taught to hate him (nor is our salvation dependent upon converting the lost and the un-learned).

You cannot on one hand say that “God is Love” (1 John 4v16) while believing him to only love a select few. Which of you, if you had the power, would condemn your own children to eternal punishment if they never knew you solely because they had been separated from you at the hour of their birth? How about if the last thing they said to you was wicked and cruel?

If you then, who are not as loving as you profess our heavenly Father to be, know how to give compassion and mercy to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give compassion and mercy to you!

Either he is good or he is not.

We cannot profess he is good while we believe otherwise in our hearts.

Our salvation is not based upon our earning it. It is based upon the incarnate life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ. He is the only way into heaven. But not in the way we think.

We do not need to say some magical incantation to be given the secret knock we perform at the gates of heaven. He has already cleared the way. We are all invited, in this life and in the life-after, to follow Him down the path he has created. He will never force us to walk that path. It is our choice, because that is how he loves us.

John says: [Speaking of Heaven and the glory of God] By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut. Revelation 21:24 and 25

I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me. (John is quoting Jesus) John 17:23

A couple questions arise from this. I’ll tackle the easy one first.

Is this inclusion of everyone considered Universalism?

The simple answer is no. The inclusion of all humanity is early church dogma, not universalism.

Universalists (as I understand it) believe everyone goes to heaven and don’t really have a choice. A bad guy dies and wakes up in heaven.

And although it is true that God loves everyone, he also gave us free will. God does not force us to live with him. You have the choice to wallow in your own guilt, fear, and shame.  

But God is merciful and just. You do not get a free pass to do as you will. Remember the story of the field with the weeds? A farmer plants wheat and the enemy sows weeds among the wheat. The weeds are allowed to grow until the harvest, when the angels separate the two and throw the weeds into the fire.

Jesus explains that the field is the world. But what if the field also represents each human heart? What if Solzhenitsyn was right? That the line separating good and evil really does run through each human heart?

The angels must separate out your weeds, because only wheat will get into the Kingdom. Your weeds are separated and thrown into the fire. The fire is not just for “the bad people”, it is for the thoughts of lust and greed, the cruelties and lies of our own lives.

Just like silver, you are purified by this fire. I imagine this purifying process hurts, but that is also justice.

God purifies the world to him, bringing restoration to all.  This restoration is not a free pass.

I must also bring up a great writer with similar views. Very few call him a Universalist. His views, put into story form, are widely accepted. But if another expresses those same views bluntly, he is called a heretic. That man…? C.S. Lewis. Please see his book The Great Divorce.

C.S Lewis is famous for saying all his ideas were borrowed from a disparaged pastor named George Macdonald, who’s greatest Theological contribution may have been his sermon The Consuming Fire.  

Or to quote some other great writers:

In Christ God was reconciling the world to himself. 2 Corintians 5v19

For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the

Savior of all people. 1 Timothy 4v10

The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. Psalm 24v1

And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself (John is quoting Jesus) John 12v32

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

Proverbs 16:9

I read a book by the same title as this post (by Jason Clark). I think there is some truth to it, but I am still trying to flesh out how this all fits together. The main premise is that God is not controlling us. He has chosen sovereign love over sovereign control. In a desire for authentic relationship, he has ceded control of this world during this age over to us, with all the problems and consequences therein.

I am good with the idea that God is not control-ing, but it feels troublesome to say he is not in control; that all the inmates are running the asylum; all the monkeys are running the circus.

If God is not in control, that feels like chaos.

Just yesterday, I was assuaging my daughter’s fears about the war which has begun in Ukraine. I said something to the effect of “God is in Control,” before I walked that back a little.

You see, if God is in control, would he be allowing (or even causing) the war in Ukraine? Telling someone from Ukraine that God is in control doesn’t feel very comforting right now.

Or what about victims of abuse? Is it comforting to them that God is in control (and allowed the abuse to happen under his watch)?

To say that God is good and that God is in control seem mutually exclusive at times.

Are the evils and atrocities of this age the will of God? The answer is emphatically no!

So if it is not his will, and yet it still happens, the idea of him not being in control makes sense.

But I don’t like the alternative either (But God is God and God is good). I am left wondering if there is some middle ground.

Maybe he is not in control, but has everything in order? He somehow allows humanity to have free will without allowing us to devolve into chaos. This idea could be like a cruise ship captain. God is in control of the ship and the overall direction of humanity, but is not in control of the people on the ship.

I feel like I should pause really quickly and address the idea of predestination, which maybe addresses the overall direction of humanity. I like the way Ken Blue puts it:

Predestination means we were eternally found in Jesus before we were ever lost in Adam.

Or more simply, God knows where he wants all of us to end up, but has given us the choice to agree with that destination or not.

One more illustration on how God may walk the line between control and chaos. Reading the prophet Joel this morning got me to thinking about the Pharaoh and the plagues. Throughout that entire story, God never controlled Pharaoh. He wanted Pharaoh to let the Israelites go, but never once forced his will upon Pharaoh. God constantly warned Pharaoh of the impending calamities and then handed Pharaoh over to his own consequences. But Pharaoh was still able to not listen to God. In fact, Pharaoh committed lots of atrocities against the Israelites between the first plague and his final relenting.

Evil still happened while God was bending the arc of that narrative. Maybe God is not in control of humans? Perhaps he controls the world around us in such a way as to encourage us in certain directions? Of course we are free to choose paths of greater resistance, and we often do.

Ultimately, God wants us to freely choose love, but will never pull the marionette strings. He utterly loves you and is always for you and your redemption.

Maybe that is what we should say when we are trying to comfort and console.

Instead of:

 “Don’t worry, God is in control.” (which some may see as a failure on His part)

Maybe we should simply say:

“God Loves you and is completely for you.”

I am not sure where the line of control ends and chaos begins, but the events in Ukraine feel like chaos. This does not feel like he is in control. Blood and tears shed in that country are not the desire of God’s heart.

I guess I am left to remind myself that God is good. Somewhere in this mess is an invitation to trust in that goodness; that his desire for love is greater than the desire for control, and this will sometimes leave the door open for evil to enter.

Lord, bend your arc quickly and bring peace to Ukraine.

I have heard many Christians say that if everyone got a free pass into heaven, there would be no incentive to do good; to be good. People would do whatever they chose to do because it didn’t matter.

On the other hand, people accused of being Universalists would counter this claim by saying that if they knew what Jesus did for them they would always want to do good; that if they knew how much Jesus loved them, their response would be kindness and love toward others.

What if, instead of trying to counter the free pass theory, we looked at the other side? What would be the alternative to everyone being included? If everyone were not included, what would be the incentive to do good?

It seems to me there are two options. If only a select few were included in the invitation, salvation would either be random or it would be earned.

If it were random, there is no incentive to be good, for we would be created in the image and likeness of a creator who is, himself, not good. How can any creator be considered good when they decide your fate of heaven or hell by the flip of a coin? How can he condemn most of his creation to eternal suffering, and still be called good, other than out of fear?

You can certainly praise your creator if you are on the positive side of this equation. We must praise him or forever be looking over our shoulder for a fearful God who may change his mind on a whim.

And what is your incentive to do good if mere randomness put you in heaven to begin with?

The other option is doing good to earn your salvation. But wasn’t this addressed many times over?

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift from God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2v8-9

He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy. Titus 3v5

For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law. Romans 3v28

We know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ. Galations 2v16

Earning your salvation by works does not work. When you try this, you turn God into a transaction and not a relationship.

I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine. Song of Solomon 6:3

Imagine you have a friend that invites you to a party. But this is not just any party, it is the party of the century. It is glamorous and fancy and everyone wants to go, and you are your friend’s plus one. All your other friends cannot believe your luck; they are envious of the invitation.

There is buzz all over TV and Radio about the expanding guest list and the fancy preparations.

The day of the party arrives and you are nervous but excited. Nervous because you do not want to embarrass your friend. Excited for the experience and the witnessing of something new and incredible.

You find some literature on the internet to read on the expectations of similar parties. There were certain rules of conduct and ways to do things which you need to follow.

But now all the preparations have been made and you are all dressed and ready to go. Anticipation builds as your friend pulls up to your house in a limousine. You climb in and your friend offers you some expensive champagne for the ride to the party, compliments of the host.

You make small talk on the way to the party. You are staring out the window at the city which seems so different from the backseat of luxury, your friend relaxed and full of excitement.  

As you pull up, and the door to the limo is opened, you step out onto the red carpet and the accompanying cacophony. The paparazzi are taking pictures and yelling inaudible questions, people are putting microphones in your face and the buzz of camera shutters are all around. Your friend fields some questions. He is smiling and enjoying the moment.

You feel a little awkward and out of place, so you move in closer to your friend who understands this world so much better.

Smiling and waving at the crowd, your friend gently grabs your elbow and leads you down the red carpet and into the building. As the doors shut, you can think again. You are in the entrance to a grand theatre and music is coming from inside. Your friend just smiles and strolls toward the series of twenty-foot tall mahogany doors in front of you. As you reach for the handle, your friend redirects you toward the door in the center of all the other doors; you are to enter down the main aisle.

When you enter, the music stops, the crowd shifts and gives a standing ovation. You begin clapping and turn toward your friend, confused as to why they were all celebrating him; he never told you he was the reason for the party.

Astonished, you see that your friend is clapping for you.

You look around and realize all these people are clapping for you. It slowly dawns on you that the celebration is for you. You are not just a guest. You are the guest. The guest of honor at the biggest celebration….

And that is what the Kingdom of Heaven is like.

You are not just a plus one, dressed up in fancy clothes and snuck into the party through the back entrance, hoping no one recognizes that you don’t belong. You are not a piece of garbage whose presence is barely tolerated. You are not there on a technicality. You are not a cosmic mistake.

You are adopted through Christ, with all the rights and privileges herein. That is fact. But you are so much more.

You are the Father’s beloved child. He personally puts the robe on your back and the rings on your fingers. He orders the fatted calf to be prepared and the party to be thrown. He loves you because you are the only you He ever created. He loves you because you matter. He loves you because you belong.

“But just like our life, God worked with and through the hobbits to bring about transformation in the world around them.” -Theology with the Inklings Part 2

Words have power. They have meaning. I often use them without giving much thought. This misuse of words often has little effect on the day-to-day life. But if someone is offended by my word choice, I am quick to point out that they are too sensitive, or that the meaning of my words were misunderstood.

But in rare situations, a word choice is used so exclusively and so often that our mind accepts it, along with its improper meaning. Our platitudes are meant to convey one meaning in a specific instance, but are then expanded and used and accepted in situations not intended.

Case in point, the quote at the beginning of this chapter (referring to the previous post). Many people would simply say “God uses the hobbits to bring about transformation.”

I think that is an incorrect word usage to use “use” like that (if you get my meaning).

Outside of the religious connotations, do you like it when you feel used? We like to feel useful, but we don’t like it when people use us.

To be used infers that we are liked only for as long as we have use. That as soon as we are not useful, we are not cared for.

Who has ever been used as a pawn by someone with a broken heart, to make an ex-lover jealous?

I give no thought to my screwdriver when I am not in need of it.

We are not tools.

I do not believe God will ever use us for anything. He loves us always and is trying to reconcile us to the world and each other. God wants to be in relationship with us. He cannot be both loving us and using us. He will bring about His plans with and through us, but will never use us.

When we apply this word to God, it corrupts our theology, causing us to think less of Him than what He actually is. We misuse the word.

“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” JRR Tolkien

I have always loved the Lord of the Rings trilogy by JRR Tolkien. In fact, autumn makes me think of it every year. Something about the changing of the season reminds me of the adventure and the feeling of coming home. There is a nostalgia to that time of year I cannot quite grasp. Like some sub-conscious Pavlovian yearning, I turn to the woods− and to God.

I have heard rumor that this trilogy is a parable describing the gospel. Maybe that’s why it rings true to me. There is, however, no central Christ figure. There are three representations of the Son of Man− possibly because one flawed human could not contain all of the character of God. Gandalf, Frodo, and Aragorn represent prophet, priest and king in three distinct forms.

The trio within the trilogy about the triune God are the main characters. They are bold, brave, strong, compassionate, and loyal. They are full of the image of God, and yet, are still flawed in their own ways.

My favorite characters, by far, are the supporting cast of hobbits. They are deeply flawed. They bumble through the story, often causing more damage than good. They are frequently a burden to the fellowship of the ring, but they bring childlike joy with them.

Hobbits are silly and foolish, playful and innocent. They did not belong in the world of men but somehow found themselves in the midst of a story that would one day become a legend. They played their part, despite their terror, out of pure loyalty to their friends. Their fighting through fear is the definition of courage.

But just like our life, God worked with and through the hobbits to bring about transformation in the world around them. God can work with the smallest and lowliest of us all to bring about big change.

I often feel small and lowly. Maybe that’s why I like the hobbits so much. Each one of them played an integral role in the story and changed the fate of Middle Earth. Without the contribution of each and every Hobbit, evil wins.

They were not particularly wise or cleaver. They often stumbled into the good they played, but their innocence, and playfulness, and loyalty did what I have such a tough time doing− it allowed them to be themselves.

These little hobbits were not the main characters, but by trusting in their friends and being themselves, they did great things. They carried their friends to the end, they awoke in others the power to defeat a sorcerer, they saved friends lives, and helped to slay the chief.

I would love to be one of the brave warriors, but until I recognize that I am only a hobbit, I am not being who I was meant to be. And if I am not who I was meant to be, I cannot do what I was meant to do.

’Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good

-C.S.Lewis

This quote has perplexed me for years. How can someone be unsafe, and yet, still be good? Aren’t they mutually exclusive?

I have begun to learn to embrace the unknown but have a partial answer to these questions. I am still working out some of the details.

A surgery is not safe, but it is good. When you are getting the unhealthy taken out of you, this can cause many complications, but the benefit outweighs the risks. Jim Elliot, who is not an inkling, said “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”

Thus, the reward is the Kingdom, which is already given. What do we risk: Pain… God is taking everything that is not lovely and creating more beauty, but this is not safe. It hurts to be made pure. Like a surgery taking away the cancer within, God’s refining fire will leave us sore and in pain; but that is only short term because our healed bodies will be capable of joy and true freedom.

But God, who is love, will not force his will upon us. He is quietly bidding us to risk a little bit of pain and risk trusting in him that things will be better. The choice is yours. He already loves you. Do you want to stay where you are or risk trusting that on the other side of your pain is something far better?  He says the good is out there, the question is: Do you trust him enough to head out into the pain and darkness of the unknown? If the answer is yes, offer up that prayer.

Search me and know me, Lord Jesus, and burn away all that is not of love’s kind. Take it, take it all, Lord Jesus. The greed, the lust, the selfishness, take even those things that are good but which draw me away from you. Take everything that is not of love’s kind, and destroy it. (paraphrasing of George Macdonald “The Consuming Fire” (also not an inkling (but a huge contributor of inkling theology)))

For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. Colossians 1:19 and 20

Have you ever played the game with fortune cookies where you add the words in bed to the end of the fortune?

You will have great treasures… in bed.

You will discover a new talent… in bed.

You will meet someone new… in bed.

It completely changes the meaning of the original fortune you are reading.

I feel like we do this to the bible. Maybe it is subconscious, but we often add so we can go to heaven to the end of our sentences.

Do not lie… so we can go to heaven.

Honor your father and mother… so we can go to heaven.

Love your neighbor… so we can go to heaven.

Be kind to the orphan, the widow, and the foreigner… so we can go to heaven.

We have missed the point, and in doing so, have completely changed the meaning of the bible—the gospel— making it only about going to heaven.

I so often find myself falling back into the trap of sin management. I focus all my energies of trying not to sin… so I can go to heaven.

What if that is not the point of it all?

Jesus, on the cross, defeated sin. We were once slaves to sin but the cross changed that. We had turned away from God, but the defeat of sin allowed us to see more clearly, find God and re-turn toward him; to reconcile with him.

So that…?

So that we can be in relationship with him. Period.

How different would this world be if we stopped trying to earn salvation and started living in relationship?

Do not lie… so we can show our true selves in order to live in relationship with others.

Honor your father and mother… so we can live in relationship with them.

Love your neighbor… so we can enjoy their presence.

Be kind to the orphan, the widow, and the foreigner… so they do not live in shame, which opens the door to joy through relationship.

I know that theory and reality do not always align. What about the father who was abusive? Or the neighbor who doesn’t want relationship? What about the widow who is bitter and cruel? Love them?

Let’s table that for now. I am just setting the ground rules; getting us to dream bigger. We have to live on this planet with nearly 8 billion people for an average of 79 years.

What if we did all this living from a place of relationship instead of a desire to earn salvation? What if we ran this race together? Helping each other to cross that finish line?

What if we were always looking to serve others, and they were always looking to serve you? What if we all worked to lift each other up, to push each other further and to reach higher?

What if it all came from a place of love?

THAT would be something amazing!

That would be good news.

That would be the Kingdom of God.

Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things (including salvation) will be added unto you.

Fear Not! I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Luke 2:10

I have always loved Christmas. Admittedly, both the secular and the sacred versions of Christmas appeal to me. There is something about celebrating the Light of the World during the darkest time of year. Santa, at his best, exemplifies Christian values. He is the epitome of other-centered, self-giving love.

Truth be told, it is my favorite time of year. I like the story of the first Christmas. I like the idea of the God of the Universe stepping down from his throne and coming to Earth to show his love for us. I like the childlike joy and happiness that transcends the darkness and the gloom.

I don’t know if it was just me, but I was always told that the greatest time of year, and the greatest holiday, was Easter. As a good Christian, I was supposed to celebrate Easter with more joy and fervor than Christmas. 

They both have different significance in the Christian life, but Easter was not helped by my negative views of the holiday.

Christmas is about incarnation and cute babies and love and joy brought into the world for all mankind. Easter has been about punishment and penalties and sin being paid for. Christmas speaks of God’s love for us. Easter has been about God’s wrath and his abandonment of his one and only Son. I was supposed to celebrate the imputed righteousness imparted to me (but pay no attention to the fact that the Father was disgusted by my sinfulness). Christmas is the Light of the World coming down. Easter is darkness; the darkness of Good Friday. Christmas always seemed Happy, while Easter carried a more somber tone.

Christmas is joy and hope, while Easter, although good news, had been intermixed with some questionable theology— maybe it’s better to say Easter had some theology which I did not understand— which went misunderstood for decades.

Every part of Christmas is good, whereas Easter is combined with the difficult. It is more complicated. I am confronted by my own sin and depravity. Perhaps I have misunderstood Easter for most of my life because I misunderstood the Father. I always thought the Old Testament was fire and brimstone and the New Testament was Love and renewal.

Christmas, like the New Testament, was always about Jesus. I used to view Easter as the Old Testament God breaking into the Story of Jesus. But recently, I discovered that the Old Testament is actually pointing to Jesus and the New Testament. Jesus himself spoke of this on the road to Emmaus. I have misunderstood the Old Testament to be about disappointment and anger when it is actually a great love story.

I don’t have all the pieces of Easter figured out, but I know the story is better than I once thought. I have the next few months to unravel that mystery.

For now, I am in the midst of Christmas. The King made flesh and dwells among us. I do not have to rush to the cross because there is so much to learn from the incarnation and the life of Jesus. I have dwelt in darkness but am now aware of a great light; the darkness will not overcome it.

Thankfully, Easter and Christmas are not mutually exclusive. I do not enjoy one at the expense of another. I intend to live in the moment of this Christmas and celebrate the good news that the Kingdom has come. Glory to God in the highest. Peace on Earth. Goodwill toward All (Luke 2:14).  

The Word became flesh and tabernacled among us. John 1:14

Let’s shatter the idea of Greek logical thinking. It has its place, but living with mystery is something Americans have forgotten.

The idea of the incarnation is one of those things that does not make sense logically. How can the Christ be fully human and fully God? You just have to trust that it is so. It is a mystery; meaning it is infinitely knowable. 

Logic would suggest if you are fully God you cannot be human, and if you are fully human you cannot be divine. It seems you could be part God and part human, but not fully God and fully human. To hold both of those things at the same time is the great mystery of the incarnation.

To me, the incarnation is more difficult to explain than the Trinity.

I cannot even give you a visual representation of the incarnation. How can you take two distinct wholes and combine them into another whole without adding to or diminishing either one?

If you combine silver and gold you get an alloy called electrum. So you’ve taken two independent things and made something completely different— Jesus is not a hybrid of humanity and divinity.

You can make a ring of silver and gold without mixing the elements, but each segment is either silver or gold. Jesus doesn’t have human parts distinct from divine parts.

So how can God be both fully human and fully God?

I cannot logic this equation. I just have to trust that it is so.

I love the incarnation because we are included in the fully human part of that equation. When Jesus takes on full humanity to go with his full divinity he bonds himself, and heaven, to us permanently. He is fully human and fully God. We are only human, but we are in Christ, so are included in this wonderful relationship. We are seated on the throne with the Father, in Christ, and we enjoy the privileges of being bonded to the fully divine. 

Jesus was the full revelation of God, not merely a representative. In Jesus, God represents all of mankind to himself. He is the perfection of our side of the covenant. He is the Union of man and God. He is the incarnation. The Emannuel­­ – God with us.

Deconstruction- A method of critical analysis of philosophical and literary language which emphasizes the internal workings of language and conceptual systems, the relational quality of meaning, and the assumptions implicit in forms of expressions.

-Dictionary

Perhaps you are like me.

Is there a gnawing sense that you got it all wrong? That you can’t quite place your finger on what you got wrong, but you know it isn’t working? That everyone else seems happier, more content?

Or maybe you feel that anger is a constant companion. That you are one irritating comment from completely losing your cool.

Maybe you just feel sad, and don’t know why.

Maybe you feel nothing at all. You do life as you are supposed to, but nothing makes you overly happy or overly sad. You just… plod on?

Is there something more? Something better?

That’s what I am trying to find out. Won’t you come with me on this journey? It could be enlightening. It could end in a glorious plume of fire as I steer this plane right into the side of the mountain. Either way, it promises to be entertaining.

For me, and I believe (on some level), for everyone, it starts with God. What you think about this creator (or whether you think it is all random) will dictate how you perceive life.

The lens you view life through will become how you experience life. If you see the world as a scary place, you will notice the danger all around. If you see the world as loving, you will notice the kindness of strangers. I suspect most of us are somewhere in between the two extremes.

As you experience life through these perceptions, your beliefs are formed. Beliefs affect your actions and your actions affect how people perceive you, which starts the cycle all over again.

That is a simplified version, and I may have gotten it out of order for some of you, but the point is this: it’s all interconnected. What you think about God, good or bad, has the capacity to affect everything!

And if I’m honest, I do not think highly of God. It took me a long time to admit that. The God I grew up with was demanding and overbearing. He was big and scary. 

If I am brutally honest, he was a bit of an a-hole!

But…

I have seen many people throw up their hands and say, “Forget it! I’m out”

So I think I am not alone in this. I have often felt crazy for thinking this way; so many people are so confident. Is it just me? I don’t think so.

Somewhere down deep, in my soul, I feel there is more to it. Whatever it is.

I could have easily given up on God, knowing I could never please him. I could have turned my back on him, angry at a God who seemed far from loving.

But…

Something keeps calling to me from the deep.

Maybe my perceptions were off.

Maybe my god was not right.

Maybe, perhaps, I need a little deconstruction.

(Does that lead to faith, or does faith lead to deconstruction? (let’s find out))

I grew up in the church. From a young age, I went to church every Sunday (even on vacation), attended a Christian private-school, youth groups, and small groups and any kind of group that was even remotely related to God. I went to a Christian University, served as both a Deacon and an Elder in church, served in youth ministry, men’s ministry, and nominating committees. I’ve traveled to third world countries to serve the underserved. I am not bragging, I am pointing out that I have lived a life of church.

So how did I end up here? How did I end up like Job, sitting on the ground heaped with ashes?

There is destruction all around, some of which I did myself (some of it was done to me (I am still trying to figure out who to thank)). There are somewhat organized piles of building materials at my feet. Sheetrock, lumber, and bricks are scattered in piles throughout the lot that used to be my front yard.

The house is not completely dismantled. Some of it was worth keeping. A good portion of the foundation is usable, although I had to break some parts off and add to other parts. I kept the front door. There is a stray wall still standing ominously in the smoke. Smoke because I had to burn some of my building material. Some of the rest can be reused, although maybe not in the same way it was used before.  

New materials were delivered today, along with what I assume are instructions to put this mess back together. I cannot tell because they are written in a type of hieroglyphic that is not comprehensible. I feel like I should understand, but I can’t quite get it to make sense.

You see, if God is to live here, I needed to change a few things.

Not for him; He is perfectly happy to sleep on the ground, as long as I am nearby. He doesn’t need me to do anything, he just wants to live with me.

I know, I know… He’s always lived with me. But I was so busy trying to do church, I forgot to invite him; to recognize he was even there.

No… If God is to live here, I need to make room for Him. For this house is both my heart and my religion.

I have had to deconstruct because it was starting to fall apart. Like a house that you keep on adding to throughout the years, it eventually becomes so disfigured and unwieldly; it could no longer stand under its own weight. I had to dismantle it because it was nothing like it was supposed to be− Just a cheap replica of what it was meant to be.

So you see, I am on an unexpected journey to find faith. I thought I already had it, but it was only a mirror. I lived in church for nearly half a century, and never knew God. He is much bigger and better than I thought.

Tearing down the original idol was easy. Putting it all back together is much more difficult. I have some hints of where some things go, but lots of questions and very few answers. I know way more than I ever did, although it is now much messier. Please don’t mind the mess, I am remodeling….

I have always loved Journeys.  There is an anticipation of what is next. The journey represents the joy of the unknown. When walking trails, I will frequently say “let’s see what’s around the next curve.” Turning around too soon could mean you miss out on the majesty just over the next hill. There is a sense of adventure when you are in unfamiliar territory. 

My favorite movies growing up reflected this love of the new.  Indiana Jones, Goonies, The Mummy, and National Treasure were just a few that captured my attention. I liked to dream; to imagine treasures and bravery and new heights and freedom. 

But for all the emotions and adrenaline they generated, they were not actual adventures.  I didn’t have to experience the grueling hardships that inevitably come with real adventures.  I was safe. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my own adventures, but it would be hard to sustain that lifestyle nonstop. Movies allow you to explore beyond yourself; to grasp at what is possible. 

For my love of it all, I never expected to be here; on a new adventure to discover the heart of the God of the Universe. To be honest, I feel angry that I was surrounded by faith, but never noticed the love of this seemingly unknowable God. Why did no one tell me about this sooner? 

It is uncharitable to blame others for my predicament. I was presented with all the facts and clues to his character, I just never understood it. Honestly, I’m not so sure many truly do. 

I’m not about to tell you I have all the answers and you need to listen to me and the wisdom I am capable of imparting upon you. That would be folly. I still don’t understand God… but I know what I thought before fell short of the truth.

In the National Treasure movie, Benjamin Gates discovered a treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence, using a special pair of glasses.  As he flipped lenses on these amazing spectacles, more of the map’s invisible ink was made visible to him. 

God is infinitely knowable, but I’ve been looking for him with the wrong lenses. I needed to shift my paradigm. To look at Him in a new way. I am now beginning that process, and it is hard work. Many will say I’m doing it wrong− searching in the wrong place− but then the Spirit speaks to my heart, saying “Let’s see what is around the next curve…”

First off, I have no intention of preaching or imparting wisdom, it is not that kind of blog. I am sorry, but my story may sound simple to you. I have very little use for large theological terms: hermeneutics, ecclesiology, eschatology, and ontology. I have been part of a church my whole life, and still do not know the difference between Justification and Sanctification.  

My apologies, but I do not throw judgments around. I will not judge you or others for their politics, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. We all have our own struggles in life, and I will try not to add to yours. I have no idea what you are going through, but will try to listen if ever you decide to shed your mask and confide in me.

I’m sorry, but I cannot rail against the problems of the world, because “they” are not the problem. There is no “us” and “them”; those are made up terms. WE have an enemy, but he has convinced us that “they” are the enemy. Our enemy has convinced us that he doesn’t exist.

I hate to even bring it up, but we all have evil within us. We are all capable of horrific evil, but we are not the evil within us. There is a tendency within humanity to self-promote, self-protect, shift blame, and deny our fears. These actions create a lot of evil, but that is the consequence of living in a fallen world.

But on the other hand, we all have good within. We are made in the image and likeness of God, and thus, He has imparted the DNA of his goodness within each of us.

With regret, I have very few words of advice for your struggles. All I can offer is encouragement to keep going. I can tell you with absolute certainty your Father in heaven loves you, even as you are, but he also loves you too much to leave you where you are. He is calling you into bigger and better things and will never give up on you.

I cannot help but notice we all carry a deep feeling of longing in our hearts. That desire for more is not asking for material goods, it is asking for meaning and purpose.

I apologize, but this blog will not erase that longing, and I hope to intensify it at times. The longing brings searching and digging deep and discovery and true freedom.

I am sorry, but I am not here to convince you of my theology. Apologetics is not a gift I have. Either what I have to say rings true with you or it does not. My job is to speak and let the Spirit do the rest.

All I have to offer is my journey. I can point out the path I have found. Whether it is the right path for you is another question. I can tell you the truth that we all hope for and wish were true but somehow still deny.

We live in a fallen and broken world. There is cruelty and evil all around, but that is not the truth. For some reason, we focus on this pain and ugliness.

We are between worlds. The has-been and the not-quite-yet. This is the space where good lives with evil, and the ugly and the beautiful are intertwined. God is indwelling and overcoming this world, but He is partnering with us to do it. All things are being made beautiful, and that includes us. It includes you!

The truth of this world is that God, our Father, is bigger, and better than we dared to imagine. He’s not mad at, or angry with you. He truly is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast loving loyalty (exodus 34:6 and 7). It is a world soaked with His character and nature (or ontology if you prefer that word).

The tension in-between worlds is that it is both soaked with God’s goodness and overrun by the evil of the age. The Kingdom has come, but it is not quite fully present. We can choose which world to live in and live by.

The path I point out will take you where you are supposed to go. I know the beginning and the end, but am unsure what lies in between. Will it take us through the desert? Will it be a quick journey, or one that ambles for forty years? I apologize, but I have not the answer. We are on this journey together, remember?

I regret to inform you that this path is narrow, with lots of roots and rocks to trip you up. But it is straight if that is any consolation…. Straight up the side of a mountain, but hey, He said He’d make your path straight. He never said it would be easy.  

In the early morning of June 6, 1944, Allied Forces stormed five beaches in the province of Normandy, France. With nearly 200,000 allied troops involved in the operation, this was the largest naval invasion in history. Casualties on that first day topped 10,000.

Operation Overlord lasted nearly three months. Casualties were greater than 225,000, but at the end, the Allied Forces had freed Paris from the Nazi invaders, and began to turn the tide on the war.

D-Day, as it has been called, was followed by 15 months of intense battles which led to the end of the Second World War. This was the beginning of the end. Nazi Germany was not aware, but it had been defeated on that single day. There would be great sorrow and hardship along the way, but the Allies march to Berlin had begun.

The cost was great, and the objectives of the Allied leaders were not met on that first day, but people do not second-guess that strategy. I myself am not second-guessing. In fact, I am moved by the great sacrifice that so many made all those years ago.

I think it has not been second-guessed because we trusted our Generals. Normandy was our best option because that is what the Generals told us. Casualties were high, but did not compare to what would have been had we done nothing.

To be honest, I know very little about war, so I trust the men and women who are called to prepare for these eventualities. I am grateful they are there.

So why do I not trust God in the same way? I know very little about the world and the long-view plan of salvation over the course of millennia, yet I second-guess the Creator of all. Why is it so easy to accept the plans of Generals, yet doubt the plans of the Almighty to recapture the world?

If there was a better way, wouldn’t God take it? On some level, I know he would, but I still wrestle with it often. But I also don’t know his criterion for a better way. Was he looking for the easiest plan? The most efficient? The one with the fewest casualties? The one with the most success? How does he measure success?

Why not just forgive us? Why was the cross necessary?

There are many theories as to the specific mechanism of salvation, but all we truly know is that Christ will “reconcile us to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.” (Ephesians 2:16). We know somehow Christ and the Cross brought all of humanity into union with God. All that is left is to trust that it is so.

We are not involved with the specifics of this rescue operation, but does that mean it is not happening? The citizens of Europe were not consulted on the best path to defeating the evil regime of Nazi Germany.

At some point we need to recognize that God is for us, and is coming to rescue us. He is reconciling us to him and to each other through relationship.

The Kingdom of Heaven, like the Allied army, has come. He is on Omaha beach. Evil is still covering the landscape, but it has lost. It is unaware the battle is over. All that is left is the reclaiming of territory− the heart of each individual human.